Chapter Four

Ellie had gotten dressed early this morning and then had Jimmy dressed when Joan and Adam had picked him up earlier before she had woken Jon up. She didn’t want Jimmy to hear any fighting just in case he gave her any crap about going to this specialist she had found. It had been about a month and a half to get this appointment but with their Primary Care doctor he had made some calls for her after he had seen Jon and his throat and his attitude. He knew this wasn’t the Jon he knew and that there was something that Jon wasn’t telling him so he knew this specialist should be able to get the answers that they needed. They hoped.

She went upstairs to see if she could get him up and showered before they had to leave. He knew they had this appointment but wasn’t thrilled about it. Walking in their bedroom it was dark and dingy and stank. Boy she knew if she was going to come back in here it was going to take a lot of work to get it back to normal. She walked over to the bed and she saw that he was sound asleep. He never set the alarm like she asked him to do. She took a deep breath and counted to ten and shook him as hard as she could and Yelling his name.

“JON! JON! GET THE HELL UP!” He finally started to move as he looked up at her and growled. He just put his head back into the pillow. “Oh no you don’t pal we have an appointment remember? So get that pretty little ass of yours up and into that shower or I’m calling your parents to come over here and do it for me.” She told him happily.

He then turned over naked as a jay bird and replied, “You wouldn’t dare?”

“Watch me. I’ll tell them everything and your Mom will be over here in a shot. I’ll deal with her being pissed off with me later for not telling her until now but if it will get you up and to the doctors right now it will be worth it.” She told him with her hands on her hips.

“I thought I went to Dr. Manners over a month ago and he said that the steroids wrecked my voice box and now it has to heal.” He asked her smugly.

“Oh God you only heard what you wanted didn’t you. No he also wanted you to see this specialist that he set up for us which is for today and you know that because I reminded you for the past few days. So don’t start with me. You have twenty minutes to shower and ten to shave. I’ll be back up here in thirty to see how you’re doing. If you need me just use the intercom and I’ll be here before you know it.” She told him and left to go back downstairs.

He slowly got out of bed. He wasn’t in the mood for this. He knew what was wrong and didn’t think he needed a specialist to tell him that he fucked up. But maybe he could help with the bleeding. It did seem that it was getting worse and that his stomach was well he just didn’t feel like eating as he was constantly nausea now.

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   Ellie was downstairs and made herself some tea waiting for Jon to get himself ready when the phone rang. When she picked it up it was her Mother-in-law.

“Oh Hi Carol what can I do for you?” she asked her nervously as she really didn’t need her over right now.

“Well Dear I was wondering if you weren’t doing anything or Jimmy if I could come over and maybe we could do something. John said since Jonny is having such a hard time having visitors that I should call first.”

‘Oh crap’ she said to herself. “Well Carol you know we would love to have you but I was just about to leave because Jimmy has a play date all day, could we maybe make it another day?” she asked her hopefully.

“Oh well of course Dear, um about Jon do you think he might like some company? Maybe?” she asked hopefully.

“Carol I would love to say yes but he just told me to get the hell out of the bedroom myself. I thought maybe we could talk before I left or at least tell him we were leaving but he didn’t care.” She lied to her.

“Well maybe another time, maybe when I come over to see the both of you I can try.” She told her.

“Maybe. You have a good day now and I’ll talk to you later.” She told her and hung up. She hated to lie to her but Jon didn’t want his parents to know yet and she wasn’t going to be the one to go behind his back. Just as she was about to sip her tea the phone rang again. “Oh for the love of God.” She said as she picked up the receiver, “Hello?”

“Well Hello to you too Darling? How’s the Boss man doing?” Richie asked her concerned.

Taken aback she replied, “Really Richie? I’ve been leaving you messages now for over a couple of months and you haven’t called me back at all. Why are you so concerned all of a sudden?” she snapped at him.

“Whoa Darling calm down will you? I talked to Mom and Dad and they said Jon wasn’t doing good. Said he was all moody and not treating you and Jimmy right is this true?” Richie wanted to know.

“Well why don’t you put my messages together and the ones you got from your parents and put two and two together and let me know what you think ok?” she told him angrily.

“Ellie I’m sorry for not getting back to you but I was out of the country I didn’t even tell my folks. I called them last night and they told me what was going on with you guys. Is he still being a dick?” he asked her again.

Ellie just took a deep breath and told him the short version of what was going on but how she was handling it. Richie wasn’t happy with what was going on and told her that he would get on the next plane to see if he could help. She told him that she doubts it but he could give it a try and would update him on what the doctor would tell them. Once she hung up it was time to see if her husband had done what he was told and for his sake she had hoped so.

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Jon was just finishing getting dressed, he knew if he didn’t he would catch hell for not doing what he was told and he just didn’t want to fight. He just didn’t have it in him right now as his throat was killing him. He was spitting up more blood than normal and he didn’t want to tell her or he wouldn’t hear the end of it. Now the only problem was his clothes weren’t quite fitting him properly. They were getting a lose fitting on him. It was bad enough people thought he was skinny at the end of the tour or even in the middle of it. God he would lose about five pounds a night as it was and there wasn’t much meat on him to begin with. At the beginning of the tour he weighed about one hundred and seventy pounds and now he weighed one hundred and forty five pounds Ellie could see his ribs because if the guys could see them then his wife could. He just didn’t know why she hasn’t said anything to him yet about them of course that could be a good thing. Finishing up he met Ellie in the kitchen as she seemed antsy waiting for him.

“Well your lucky I was just about to go up and see what was taking you so long.” She snapped at him.

Jon just looked at her not so happy. “Well it’s a good thing you didn’t or I would have changed my mind.” He told her giving her his stink eye.

Thinking to herself ‘Oh for crying out loud.’ She was getting so tired of him. Looking at him, “I’m driving so if you’re ready let’s just go.” She told him as she grabbed her keys and pocketbook.

It took them about forty-five minutes to get to Dr. Hathaway’s office and at least another thirty minutes to fill out paper work. She compared this to taking Jimmy to the pediatrician’s office. Maybe if Jon was a good boy they would give him a lollipop too. Actually Jimmy was more well behaved than his father was being. Finally the nurse came out and called us into Dr. Hathaway’s office. He wanted to talk to us before he examined Jon. He introduced himself and asked what the problem was.

The Dr.: “So Jon what is the problem here? It says throat and bleeding with depression?”

Jon: “I feel fine I’m just tired. I just got off a major concert tour and all I want to do is sleep. My wife here thinks there is something wrong with me. I think she is the one that needs help.”

Ellie wanted to scream as the Dr. looked at her then back at him.

Dr.: “Is that so? Well Mrs. Bongiovi why do you think your husband needs to be seen by me?”

Ellie: “Well he stays in bed all day and doesn’t get out at all. He’s moody and mean and oh doesn’t eat properly if at all. I try to get him to eat but if I push him he screams at me. There was this one time he took off and when I went into our bedroom looking for him I did notice that there on the pillow case was blood so I went into our bathroom and found tissues and old towels with blood on them.” She explained to the doctor and Jon just sat there staring at the floor knowing he was busted.

Dr.: “May I call you Ellie? Great…Has Jon lost any weight?” he asked knowing the answer.

Jon: “I’m right fucking here!” he said angrily.

Ellie: “We know Honey but are you going to tell Dr. Hathaway the truth because you didn’t answer him truthfully now did you? And yes he has quite a bit actually. About thirty or forty pounds I think.” She told the doctor as Jon was fuming.

“Dr.: “Thank You Ellie. Jon I can’t help you if you’re going to lie to me every step of the way here. I need to know a few things and I need you to be truthful to me or you can just walk out of here now. But you seem to have a great wife who loves you very much so why do you want to blow this? And from what I understand from my staff a career that is off the charts. So this is what’s going to happen. You want my help you will do it my way or you can leave right now. You’re choice. Otherwise we need to take some blood tests which I can see you can tell what am I going to find?” he asked him seriously.

Ellie: “Oh Dr. Jon doesn’t do drugs.” She told outright.

“Dr.: “I’m sure he doesn’t Ellie but one) I need to hear it from Jon. And two) you don’t know what goes on during the tour. So Jon how about it?” he asked waiting.

Jon went from looking at the floor to the doctor then to Ellie. He knew if they took his blood he really didn’t know what they would find. So he turned to Ellie almost shaking.

Jon: “Ellie I do want to get better and I’m sorry for what I’ve been putting you and Jimmy thru I really am. I really thought that I could kick this myself.” He told her with tears forming.

Staring at him in disbelief she asked him, “Jon were you taking drugs?”

“It depends on what you say is drugs and why I was taking these things.” He told her. Jon started telling her and Dr. Hathaway what had happened during the tour and what he would sometimes take with the guys and what Doc and the tour doctor suggested and had got the steroids and started to shoot them into his neck. They were working for quite a while until they weren’t and so they were doubling up to keep him going. He told them how he would pass out sometimes before, after and even on stage the last eight months of the tour seeing it was taking such a toll on him. The doctor listens intensely as Ellie sat there in shock because she knew nothing of this, knew nothing of this that was happening to her husband. She could see how visibly upset he was as he explained this to them so she was going to try very hard to keep her temper in check. But when they get home all bets are off.

“Jon didn’t that hurt?” she exclaimed horrified.

“Yeah it did but I had to take them because I had to sing. Too many people’s jobs were on the damn line.” He spit out finally but not realizing that he had.

Ellie stared at him finally knowing why he was in the mood he’s been in and why he took those damn steroids. “Well Jon now I get everything.” She told him sitting up straight in her chair.

But Jon wanted to sink down in his.

Dr.: “Jon I would like to run some test while you’re here. I have everything set up it shouldn’t take more than an hour and a half. Ellie you can wait in the waiting room we have plenty of reading material also there is a coffee shop right across from us if you want to get something while you wait.” He told her.

Ellie: “Can’t I go in with him?”

Dr.: “I would rather that you didn’t. I think I would accomplish more without you in there.”

The Doctor escorted both of them out of his office. He introduced Jon to his Nurse Audra and they went off to the exam rooms. Then he showed Ellie the waiting room again.

“Ellie he’ll be fine but I think I can accomplish more without you in with us only because he’ll open up to me more if you’re not there. I hope you understand.” He explained to her and not wanting to hurt her feelings. “He seems to want to hold back when your there.”

“No Dr. Hathaway I understand. It’s like he’s trying to protect me from something I just wish people would stop doing that.” As she mumbled the last part of the sentence.

“I’m sorry?” the doctor asked.

“Oh nothing of importance. And really it’s fine. I’ll go get myself a tea then come back and relax until he’s finished.” She told him.          

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Ellie was sitting in the waiting room reading the third magazine (this one dated two years earlier) she’ll have to remember to bring a book next time, when a nurse came and walked over to her.

“Mrs. Bongiovi? Your husband is just finishing up so if you want to come with me I’ll take you back to the doctor’s office.” She said as she waved her on.

Once situated she didn’t have to wait long when Jon walked into the office with the doctor.

“Oh good Ellie you’re here. Well I do have some good news for the two of you.” he said as he rounded his desk to sit as Jon did the same. “Jon’s healthy pretty much all around once we get him to start eating again. The reason he’s not is the blood he’s spitting up is he’s swallowing a lot of it and it’s sitting in his stomach. And the reason why he’s bleeding is because of those damn shots. Now he told me he’s not taking them anymore. Ellie you haven’t seen him shooting up or any packages coming to the house have you?” he asked her concern.

“No why?” she asked him perplexed.

“Because I did see some new needle marks in his neck. So he’s very good at lying. He’s getting the steroids somehow but he won’t say. So we are going to either have to trust him and watch him like a hawk while they get out of his system or he stays here until they do. Your choice Jon,” The doctor told him.

Jon looked at him then at Ellie who was about to blow.

“Jon Francis! You tell the doctor right now where you are getting…Oh My God! He left the house not too long ago and when I asked him where he went he wouldn’t tell me.” Ellie told Dr. Hathaway angrily while giving Jon the stink eye.

Now Jon knew she blew.  

“Ok Can I stay at home if I promise I’ll be good.” He said to both of them remorsefully.

“Ellie I know you both have a child, you’re going to need help with him because he is going to get out of hand when he starts to detox’s and once that’s over with I can see what I can do to the voice box. He may need surgery.” He told them.

They both went wide eyed. “No freak’n way are you doing surgery on my voice Doc. I make my living this way!” Jon almost going livid on him.

“Well Jon you might not have a choice. My nurse is making Ellie a list of things that you can and cannot eat or drink and you have to follow it to the letter. And what I want you to drink constantly. We need to get your strength back up and your weight and you should be fine. If your immune system starts to fail you then we have a big problem and you don’t want that. I’ll send someone over in a week to see how he is doing and in two weeks I would like to see him. So you can make an appointment. But Ellie If I was you I would get help.” He advised her.

“Oh don’t worry I have the perfect person in mind.” she told him smiling.

Jon looking at her squealed out, “Not my Mother!”

Smiling at her husband, “No not your Mother.”

“Not your Mother!”

“No not my Mother either so don’t worry.  Thank You Dr. Hathaway and I will make sure he sticks to everything.”

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Back at the house Jon had gone straight to the bedroom as she just shook her head. She made her phone call to see if he was going to keep his promise to help. He was and told her that he would get on the next plane. She knew Jon wasn’t going to be happy with this but she really didn’t care his health was more important to her.

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Present

The cookout was under way and the girls were preparing everything as Jon had Ellie situated out under one of the table umbrellas watching her family. He was trying his best to keep his composer at seeing his wife pretend that she wasn’t in pain for her family but he knew better.   

Jimmy walked up behind his dad and startled him. “Whoa Dad sorry you ok?” he asked as he laid his hand on his shoulder.

Laughing, “Yeah I’m fine what’s up?’ he asked Jimmy.

“Well you’re staring so intently at Mom is she getting worse?” he wanted to know.

“Mom no why?” Jon said trying to be sincere.

“Dad I’m not stupid. She’s not getting any better is she?” Jimmy said concern.

Jon looked at his son with tears in his eyes. “No Jim she’s not. And I have to explain to everyone that she’s not. How the hell am I going to tell my kids that their mother isn’t going to make the year. How am I going to live without the love of my life?” he told his oldest as he choked up.

“Easy like you do everything else Dad with love and compassion. We’re here for you but I think it would be better if you tell us first before we tell the grandkids. I think they’re a little too young to understand what is going on right now. We as parents should take them aside and tell them.” Jimmy suggested.

“No your right we’ll do it at dinner if that’s all right with all of you?” Jon suggested back.

“Sure if you want I’ll tell everyone if you don’t mind?” he told his dad.

“Thanks that would be great. I’m going to go sit next to your Mom if you need me for anything.” Jon told him as he started walking over to her.

Jimmy just stared at his parents as he saw his dad bend down and kiss his mom on top of her head and then pull up a chair next to her. Jon then picked up her hand and held it for a few minutes and then kissed it before he let it go. Jimmy just smiled as he saw them interact with each other and his heart just swelled.

After they all ate and everything was put away and cleaned up, everyone gathered in the living room while Jimmy’s wife Katie took the kids down to the playroom so the grownups could all talk. Jon started to pace the room as everyone looked on until Ellie spoke up.

“Jon Sweetheart either say something or sit down because your making me anxious.” She told him smiling.

“Yeah Dad why did you call us all in here. The last time I think you did this was when one of us broke the side window and you were trying to get us to admit who broke it.” Jake told him smirking.

“Funny and I believe it was you.” Jon said when everyone stated to laugh. “There is something that your Mom and I need to tell you all and well it’s not good.” He said looking over to Ellie while she sat there still smiling and trying to make a bad scene good.

They all looked at him and thought they knew what he was going to say but were quiet anyway.

“You all know Mom isn’t doing so good. But we did hear back from the doctors and well it’s not going to get any better we’re afraid.” He told them with a heavy heart.

“Mom’s not going to get any better?” Romeo said sadly.

“What about surgery?” Rachel asked.

“No I’m afraid we’re beyond that.” Jon told them.

“Wait why? They do surgery all the time. Heart replacements, bypasses, why can’t they?” Rachel demanded to know.

“Ok calm down, I chose not to ok? Your Father and I went over all the options with the doctor and all the risks and after much, much thought I’ve decided not to go through with any of that. So I’ve taken out a DNR and Daddy has promised in the meantime if anything happens he will honor it and I expect all of you will too.” She explained to them straight out.

Everyone started to talk among themselves as Jon and her looked at each other. Finally Jon whistle to shut them up. “Ok quiet down will you. Your Mother has made up her mind.” He barked at them.

“Well don’t we have a say in this?” Jesse asked upset.

“Afraid not Honey. Look you all saw what we went thru with my parents right? They both had DNR’s and it was easier with Daddy because he had Alzheimer’s and we had to put him in a Nursing Home which broke our hearts. But with Mommy well you know how I feel about what happened there. Your Aunt screwed me on telling me on how sick she really was and she hid her DNR because she was selfish. Which led up to Mom suffering longer than she should have. But she couldn’t tell anyone because she had Demetria, and your Aunt said it was for her own good well we all know it wasn’t and all she wanted was to be with Daddy. And we know what a liar she is.” Ellie was getting upset when Jon broke in.

“Honey you’re getting upset calm down please?” he asked her calmly.

“Ok sorry it’s just something I can’t forget and I don’t want you kids doing what they did ok? Promise?” she asked them pleading almost.

They all agreed as Ellie went on, “Fine now I just don’t want to go thru any of that stuff ok? So please don’t let me. I just want to live the rest of my days out peaceful and to be with my family. That is what will make me the most happiest.” She told them smiling.

They all listened and as they probably didn’t agree with what their parents had planned they understood because it was their lives and when it would come their time they hope their children would understand also.

The rest of the night went peaceful and Jon was happy about that because he didn’t want Ellie upset by any means. But he was just as glad that everything was out in the open.

Chapter Three

Jon couldn’t sleep so he took a shower to get the drunk off of him and then he walked the floor for a while as he thought about what had happened a few hours ago. He remembered going down stairs and trying to start something with Ellie but a lot of it was fuzzy. He did remember there was a lot of yelling so he must have thought he did something stupid to make her mad, really mad. He was doing that a lot lately. But he just couldn’t help it. He really didn’t think she would understand how he feels. How he has everything he wants and just nothing is making him happy right now. He is exhausted and his voice is shot. More than he is willing to admit and when he coughs he has been spitting up blood. The guys have been yelling at him now for over a year to see a specialist and not just the bands doctor. The one Doc had hired. The one that was giving him the steroid shots. Ellie was asking a lot of questions when he came home that he wasn’t willing to answer and that pissed her off. But he couldn’t tell her what was going on. He couldn’t let her know why he was losing weight and being stand offish. He just couldn’t tell her that he was vulnerable to let Doc talk him into doing what he did to himself…for what? Fame, money? They were doing just fine but Doc guilted him into what was his responsibility. He had a family to take care of now and the band and their families not to mention the people that work behind the scenes. Without him they would lose their jobs. It all rested with him. HIM! He had to get out of the house, go for a ride or something. So he quietly went downstairs and jumped in his viper and just took off, where he didn’t know but he just let the road show him.

About an hour and a half later he had enough and started back towards Jersey. He seemed calmer but still didn’t want to talk about what went on during or what was going on with him now. If she knew he was coughing up blood she would go nuts and so would his mother. Plus he couldn’t explain constantly that he wasn’t hungry. He just had no appetite lately, he just couldn’t explain it. He finally drove up to the gates and punched in the code to the gate and drove in and up the driveway. He had been gone all morning and it was now past eleven in the morning. When he got there he saw that there was a plumbing van parked out front. He drove around to the garage and parked his viper back in the garage and closed the doors then walked in thru to the kitchen when he saw Ellie talking to this very good looking man around their age or a little older. He had wavy black hair that came to about shoulder length but he had it in a pony. And he also had the bluest eyes. Tall about six feet two and about one hundred and eight pounds.    

Turning around and seeing her husband finally walking in she tried not to show her irritation at him. He looked them of both up and down and said irritably, “What the hell is going on here?”

“What? I told you that the we needed the plumbing done in the kitchen and the adjoining bathroom. There’s a leak somewhere so I hired Matthew’s Plumbing and Heating. This is Kyle Matthew. Kyle this is my husband Jon.” She made introductions and Kyle went to shake Jon’s hand as Jon just stared at it as Ellie gave him her death stare. So Jon finally took it and shook his hand. Ellie couldn’t understand what was going through his head.

“Ellie why don’t I go check out the bathroom ok?” Kyle told her as he knew something was up with the couple.

“Thank You Kyle I’ll be right there.” She told him smiling thru gritted teeth. Waiting for him to leave the room she then turned to her husband who was leaning up against the counter with his arms and legs crossed. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Pointing to himself? “Me? Nothing why?” he said cockily.

“Really well you were just acting like a Jackass.” she told him as she was very mobile as she was throwing her hands in the air. “And where the hell were you? You usually don’t get up till late afternoon.” She threw at him.

“So how did you know that I was even gone? Checking up on me now?” he asked pissed.

“No I needed to talk to you and I couldn’t wait till you got up because I didn’t want Jimmy to walk in on us.” She told him just as upset.

“Why? What do you want to talk to me about? Because if it’s the same old same old I told you it’s bands business and it’s none of your business.” He told her bluntly.

“No that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about and you made that very clear Jon. Even thou I thought we were partners in everything we do boy I guess I was wrong. But right now I can’t talk because I have this to deal with. You see I’m used to dealing with things alone and not have you involved so if you’ll excuse me.” She told him and went to see if Kyle needed anything.

Jon just stood there seething. If this were the things she was dealing with while he was on tour and what the guys looked like he would have left one of his own men there to have taken care of things while he was gone. Right? Oh who was he kidding. He was the one that did the cheating not her.  Something that he wasn’t proud of. And something he knew that drinking too much wasn’t good for lonely nights. Well he wasn’t going to stand around here he was going back to his room so he grabbed a few beers and went back upstairs and he hoped he could get a few hours of sleep.

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Kyle took a quick look around and gave an estimate to Ellie and told her that he may need an electrician also just in case he had to get inside the walls for the pipes. Ellie told him to get who he needed to get the job done. She thanked Kyle and he left. She looked at her watch and saw that she still had plenty of time to talk to Jon. So she headed up the stairs to their bedroom. Opening the door it was dark and to be honest smelly. She wasn’t surprised as he didn’t let anyone in there to clean up after him. She saw a lump in the bed and knew he must have fallen asleep. She really didn’t want to wake him but she knew she had to get this talk over with. So she went over to the bed and sat down beside him, seeing he was in the middle of the bed sprawled out buck naked as usual. She pulled up the blanket only because she really didn’t need the distraction of his body but she did notice that she could see his ribs clearly. That she wasn’t too happy about.  So she pulled the blanket just above his ass and then went to his face and ran her hand threw his hair when she saw something odd on the pillow near his mouth. So she turned on the lamp next to him and when she looked again she gasped when she saw a silver dollar size wet spot of blood. There was still some on and in his mouth when she carefully turned his head. Putting his head back carefully down of the pillow and turning off the light she headed back to the door and started to knock really loudly and yelling his name. “JON! JON! Wake Up! Wake the Hell Up!” she yelled as she was still knocking on the door.

He started to move and groan and finally expletives were coming from his mouth. “What the Fuck! I’m trying to sleep!” he was yelling back at her.

“Don’t care I need to talk to you. NOW! Put some clothes and I’ll meet you in the living room.” She told him as she walked out of the bedroom.

He tried to tell her no but she was already gone. He just tried to put his head back down on the pillow but he felt something wet and saw the blood on it. ‘Damn’ he said to himself. He got dressed and finally found her sitting in her favorite chair facing the t.v. drinking her tea. “Ok I’m here what?” he asked her annoyed.

“You might want to sit for this.” She told him as she turned off the television.”

“Fine but can we get this over with I didn’t sleep well last night.” he told her yawning.

“I want to get this over with before our son gets home you dumbass, so yes. I can’t keep living like this Jon. I don’t know what the hell I did for you to be this way with me and Jimmy. But you have been nothing but a jerk to us since you have come home. And to be honest we don’t deserve to be treated this way. You’ve been home now for almost what three weeks now? Funny it seems longer than that. I know you’re going through a lot right now and I think that there’s something more serious going on that you’re not telling me. I saw the blood on the bed and in the bathroom Jon. So I know you’re keeping something big from me. You remember when I didn’t tell you about me being in the hospital two years ago for something minor? You flipped out. But I didn’t want to bother you while you were on tour. It wasn’t like you could get away anyway. But you still flipped on me and my folks. So what is this payback?” she asked him calmly as she didn’t bother to turn and look at him while she was sipping her tea.

Jon just sat there at first not knowing what to say to her. He knew he was being a jerk but he felt all these emotions coming at him he just didn’t know how to handle them. For the first time he felt lost.

“So you’re not going to say anything just sit there like a lump? You know I’ve called just about all the guys except for Doc and well he’d be useless to me, and of course they aren’t talking. I really thought there for a minute Richie would but then he told me to try again to talk to you. I tried to explain to him that you were being a dick but he said it just wouldn’t be his place. But if you physically hurt me or Jimmy he’d jump on a plane and then he would have a heart to heart talk with you no problem.” She explained to him with a death stare that could have killed him right there.

“You know I would never hurt you or Jimmy right?” he told her looking sadly at her.

“That’s what I told him.” She said finishing off her tea.

His heart was breaking now that he was putting her thru all this. So he got up and went over to her and knelt down in front of her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the crap that I have put you and Jimmy thru the past few weeks. I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you the second I got home. But I’ve been used to doing all this by myself Baby and things finally came to a head at the end of this tour. Doc was just driving me and telling me to suck things up and all the responsibility that was lying in my hands and the guys didn’t get it and I was supposed to be one of them and not the boss and…” as he rambled Ellie stopped him.

“Jon stop. Why didn’t you tell me all this? That’s what I’m here for.” She told him stoking his face.

Looking sadly up at her, “Because this is my band. It’s my responsibility and I had to be the grown up. I was responsible for my guys and crew and my family. I had to show everyone that I could do this. But honestly I really couldn’t. Don’t get mad ok but my voice started to go.” He told her as he lowered his head.

She looked at him shocked. “What? What do you mean your voice was going Jon?” She asked concerned.

Looking back up, “It started to get rough and then I would lose it at times. And there was no way I could sing the high notes so Dave had to fill in for me doing those plus his voice sounds like mine so he would over dub me and no one ever knew. And the guys filled in for me as I ran around the stage a lot as they filled in for me singing too so. You know little tricks here and there.” He told her not very proud of himself.

“What about the times when the guys called me when you passed out on stage and said you were just tired or exhausted and there was nothing to worry about and you scammed me thru it. There was something to worry about wasn’t there?” she asked angry.

“Yeah Doc was pushing us too much adding on extra dates and my body couldn’t take it apparently but he would keep telling me that the tour would come to an end and everyone would end up on the unemployment line because of me.” He told her sadly.

“That Son-of-a-Bitch!!! Wait you still haven’t told me why you were passing out what were you taking?’ she asked him.

Well there wasn’t any good way to say it so he just told her. “Steroids. They were shooting me with steroids in my throat.”  He told her as she just sat there with a blank stare. “Ellie? Baby? Are you ok? I mean are you with me?” he asked her concern.

Shaking her head yes she was finally able to whisper out, “They shot you up with steroids in your throat? Oh Jonny how could you let them do that to you? How long have you been coughing up blood Sweetheart? Ok I’ve, I’ve got to wrap my head around all of this. So this is why you have been a jerk? So why are the guys upset and not here telling me all this Jon?” she wanted to know.

“Well that’s another story in its self Babe. I kind of piss the guys off the same way I pissed you and say Mom. My attitude for one, we all kind of got sick of one another to maybe even to fist fights almost. They wanted me to see doctors I might have told them to fuck off. Of course they don’t know everything that Doc put me thru either but they aren’t the boss and I needed them to be just relaxed and be my guys you know. Plus I didn’t want them worrying about me but they did in the end and now are pissed at me for that.” He explained to her.

Ellie started to giggle. “What the hell is so funny?” he asked her a little annoyed.

“You really don’t get it do you? They love you, you big dope! They’ve been with you for a long time and like your song Blood on Blood that is how the five of you are. Not to mention me and Jimmy dummy. We love you more than anything. I let you back into my life because I had faith in you. Because I loved you. And I stayed with you because I love you and believe me it hasn’t been easy buster. We have been thru a lot and I’m still here.” She told him caressing his cheek.

“Well I thought I was about to lose you.” He said as tears were forming.

“No I was going to go to California and beat it out of Richie on what happened during the damn tour. I mean I could have done it to you but I was afraid you’d like it.” She said smiling.

“Oh you’re funny.” he said as he pulled her down onto his lap.

“Ahhh! Jon what are you doing!!” she yelped.

“Holding you. I know it’s been a while but I think I still know how to do it.” He said sheepishly.

“Yeah I think you do.” She said as she leaned into him and kissed him softly.

Breaking Jon looked at her and asked, “So where do we go from here?”

“Well we take this day by day ok? We’re still not there yet. A lot of feelings were hurt Jon. Your parents for one, Jimmy for another but I think because he loves you unconditionally I don’t think you’ll have much of a problem there. And as for your folks your Mom loves you too so I think your good.” She told him caressing his cheek.

“Do I have to tell them everything?” he asked her laying his head on her shoulder.

“You mean about the steroids? I think they’ll catch on Jon when you’re going to the doctor about them and why your bleeding from your mouth don’t you? I mean summer break is coming up and someone will need to watch Jimmy while I take you there.” She explained to him.

He tried not to get angry with her because he knew she was just trying to help and she meant well but, it was his life he thought. “Babe I’m not going to the doctor I know what’s going on with me and my throat just needs to heal that’s all. Probably in a month or so I’ll be fine and the bleeding will stop.” He told her in a stern voice but not loud.

Ellie just looked at him then she tried to push him away so she could get up. But Jon wouldn’t let her. But he did find it rather hard than usual because he could feel his strength zapped.

“Jon let go of me I want to get up.” She told him annoyed now.

“No you’re the one that wanted to talk about this so let’s talk.” He said still trying to hold on to her.

“Fine but can we at least get up and sit in a chair I’m starting to cramp up.” She said really annoyed now as she finally got up and stretched.

Standing himself, they walked over to the couch and sat. “Ok talk.” She told him.

“Your mad I get that but I just don’t want a lot of people to know about the steroids and I don’t think I need to see a doctor right away. If the bleeding doesn’t stop I’ll see someone ok?” he pleaded to her as he really didn’t see a need for it.

Running her hands over her face she then looked back at him and told him point blank. “No, no way. This is your whole life. I know you and if you can’t sing well I don’t want to be around for it if we didn’t head it right off. Jon Baby believe me you’ll thank me later if we get this done now instead of later. If you want to hate me now then fine hate me but you’re going to see a doctor or I will tell your folks everything otherwise I’ll keep my mouth shut until you want to tell whoever.” She told him as she stood her ground.

Jon looked at her, feeling anger that she wouldn’t go along with him. Feeling betrayed. “FINE!” was all he said and got up and went back upstairs to the bedroom and slammed the door. Ellie just sat there with tears in her eyes but she knew what she had to do. So tomorrow she would start to look for doctors for her husband.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days went by and Carol decided she would try again to see what her stubborn son was up to and if he had gotten out of that bedroom of his. When she got there she was disappointed to find out that he hadn’t come out.

“Oh John why don’t you go up there and talk to him, maybe you can talk some sense into him.” Carol asked her husband or more of a demand.

John Sr. just looked at her then over to his daughter-in-law. “Carol dear I don’t think anything I say will matter. I’ve talked to Ellie and she told us he has made up his mind and just needs this time to chill and needs to rest after that long tour.” He tried to explain to his stubborn wife.

“Well I don’t care it’s not good for him to hole himself up there like that. I get that the tour was exhausting but he needs to come out and breathe fresh air.” She exclaimed.

Ellie had explained to them about the tour being long and how Doc took advantage of them and adding extra dates to ride out the Bon Jovi star as long as he could. They weren’t too thrilled with it as Ellie wasn’t either but that seem to satisfy them for his attitude for right now. She knew if she told them about the steroids they would blow a gasket. So she came up with a little ruse so they wouldn’t really know why he would be going to the doctors.

“Well he will he’s actually cleaning up the bedroom.” Ellie told them.

“Really? Well why didn’t you say that when we came in. Now I know I need to go up there and help it’s probably smells stale and God only knows what. Ellie where is…” But Ellie cut her off as she lifted her hand.

“Oh no I wouldn’t do that. He could be doing God knows what up there and if you walk in on him he’ll just scream at you and well to be honest really honest I can’t deal with that right now, especially with Jimmy home. He gets upset when Daddy yells.” She explained to them and hoped that would shut her up.

“Ellie Dear I can handle my son.” She started to tell her but John interrupted her again.

“Carol my love I’m going to be very blunt. Ellie is being very nice and is trying very hard to tell you to mind your own business and leave him the hell alone, and to stay out of their bedroom to boot.” John told her as he winked at his daughter-in-law.

Carol just sat there taking in what her husband just told her. “Well fine I just thought that I could be of some help that’s all.” She said and tried to look hurt.

But neither of them were buying it. “Dear we understand that you just want to help but we aren’t buying the hurt look either. Let Ellie handle Jon she is his wife just like how you told my mother off all those years ago when you told her to cut the apron strings if I remember correctly.” John reminder his wife smiling.

Well Ellie just stood there with her mouth open and tried very hard not to laugh. “Thank You John for bringing that up. Ellie I think we should go home and let you handle Jon. Just let us know how everything goes at the doctors.” Carol told her as she had gotten up and retrieved her pocketbook. 

“Now Carol he isn’t going for a few days yet but I will let you know how everything goes. And you know he loves you very much. He just needs to get out of this funk. Once he does hopefully he’ll be back to his old self. Now that he’s in charge of everything well it’s just overwhelming him that’s all and plus I think Doc left a mess for him to clean up.” She explained to them and not happily either.

“Well I’m just glad the Son-of-a-bitch is out of their lives. Have any of the other guys called or has he tried calling them?” John wanted to know.

“No and if I try asking he just tells me to leave it alone or it’s none of my business because it’s band business.” She told them with the look of disappointment on her face and also hurt.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart. He shouldn’t have treated you like that.” John told her as he disliked McGhee for what he did to the boys.

“Doc always said I shouldn’t have known what they made money wise because we didn’t sign a pre-nup, so this way I can’t ask for everything. But I think he forgot a little thing called Lawyers. But we made a promise to each other that we wouldn’t hurt each other like that but you never know I guess. Doc was always throwing it in my face because I got knocked up so either way Jon was screwed he said. The only thing is I never went after him when I did see him on MTV but the universe had other ideas I guess.” She told them about never taking Jon for everything he has.

“I am sorry for thinking that you would take him for everything that he was worth. I should have known better Ellie. Tell Jon we love him and we’ll see him later.” Carol told her smiling and finally meaning it. That made Ellie smile and for once finally feeling like part of his family.

Chapter Two

                                                     Chapter Two

Jon and Ellie have been married now for a few years and Ellie has gotten a rude awaking as much as the guys had. Their album Slippery When Wet had gone platinum several times over as had their follow up album New Jersey which they had gone out right after the Slippery tour and they had hardly had time to cool down. Needless to say the guys didn’t realize at the time what a strain it was going to put on them personally, emotionally and physically. The only good thing that came out of this was that it was financially beneficial for everyone associated with the popular group. Through it all they were successful in leading the hair metal status of their generation.

But what was going on behind the scenes was another story and Jon couldn’t let Ellie know the toll that it was taking on him and his voice or what they were giving him to try and control it. He didn’t like getting the steroid shots in the neck but he took them as they did at first seem to help but the more they gave them to him later on in the tour he notice that they weren’t working that well. So they were giving him a stronger dose which was wreaking havoc on his body. They had toured for more than thirty plus more months as the end of the tour was coming to a close and Jon hadn’t really seen Ellie that much during the whole thing seeing that Jimmy was getting older and she wanted to be home more for him especially since he was going to school and she thought that it was important that at least one of them should be there for him.

Ellie knew he was losing weight but Jon just explained that away as he wasn’t hungry after the concerts or he didn’t want to eat that much before a concert. She wasn’t stupid and knew something was up with her husband but no one was talking. Damn she hated that whole mantra crap.

He hadn’t been home for more than two weeks and as he was trying to settle back into normal life again he just couldn’t seem too. When he first got home he was thrilled to see his family but as the days went on everything seemed to slow down and there really wasn’t anything for him to do at least not yet as Ellie had everything under control. Not that he wasn’t happy about that, he was very proud of her that she could run his household but getting back into the swing of things was a little harder than he thought. And sleeping longer than he thought wasn’t helping seeing his mother was coming over every day. The only good thing about that was Ellie wouldn’t wake him up for anything so Carol was trying to come an hour later every day, but he still wasn’t getting up til after noon time.

“I’m sorry Carol but he’s not getting up until at least sometime between twelve and one p.m.” she tried to explain to her again as she fixed her mother-in-law another cup of coffee.

“Well I thought getting here at noon time would be better today. John had to go to the school again because Matty got in trouble at school, again.” She explained to Ellie as she accepted her coffee.

“Oh no not again. I’m sorry that he’s going through this. I hope Jimmy doesn’t he’s having enough problems as it is.” Ellie told her sipping her tea.

“I’m sorry to hear that Dear. Is he still being withdrawn?” she asked her.

“Which one? Jimmy not so much, Jon yeah all he does is get up walks around, goes into his music room and sits. Then makes himself a drink which if I say anything either gives me his stupid stink eye or tells me to back off. Then if Jimmy wants to play he tells him he can’t and God forbid if he says anything to him because Jon then starts in on him which I tell Jimmy to go watch t.v. and then I tell him to go sleep it off and he tells me in no uncertain terms to fuck off and goes to bed.” She said trying to understand what he’s going thru.

“He’s getting snippy with Jimmy?” Carol asked upset.

“Yeah, I don’t mind him getting mad at me but when he does with Jimmy who doesn’t know what’s going on and all he wants to do is be with his Dad, that’s where I draw the line Carol. My Mom always did that to us. We weren’t allowed to go near our Dad when he got home because of his job. Driving double tracker trailer all night and then coming home to five kids yelling and scream and jumping all over him sure I get that but he was actually fine with it he just didn’t want petty arguments and fights that’s all which yeah we did and once he yelled believe me we stopped. Just not when Mom did. Maybe this is payback I don’t know.” she said with her head down.

“Now stop right now. This is not payback and you know it or you two would be getting a lot more because Jonny wasn’t such an angel either. Just saying.” She told her smiling.

“Thanks I just wish I knew what went on during that damn tour. When he got off the first leg yeah he had lost some weight and was somewhat withdrawn but not like this. He snapped out of it real quick you know. But right now he doesn’t look like he’s going too. And I can’t get ahold of any of the other guys right now to ask them. Even Joan doesn’t know what happened Richie isn’t telling them. Maybe if John sits him down and has a man to man talk with him maybe we can get something out of him.” Ellie asked her hoping that they could get somewhere with her stubborn husband.

“Well we can certainly try. We have done basically everything else but if he even tries yelling at my Grandson one more time he’ll have to get thru me.” Carol told her not to happy with her son.

As the girls were talking Jon was just waking up. Looking around he could tell it was late-morning/early afternoon again so he looked at the clock and noticed it was twelve twenty-five in the afternoon. Not bad he thought. He was starting to wake up a little earlier everyday. Still feeling crappy he got up and not putting anything on walked into the bathroom as he repositioned himself as he went. He did his thing then turned on the shower to the temp that he liked it: steaming hot. Standing under the streaming hot water he let it roll over his tired and aching body. He just couldn’t get out of this funk that he was in. He still had a sore throat and couldn’t talk all that well and it’s been over two weeks now and he was getting more pissed off at that. He couldn’t understand why he was still dog tired and his body still ached all over. Or why he was nausea still. And he was sure as hell wasn’t going to tell his wife or parents that he was spitting up blood when he coughed. It took him longer than normal to take his shower as he just stood there and washed his hair and body, but the hot water just felt to good on his aching muscles. Once he was done he put on his sweats and a tee as he didn’t see the need to get that dressed up just to hang around the house. It was now one thirty so he decided to go and see what was going on. He just hoped that his mother wasn’t here again as she was every day since he has gotten home.

“Ellie are you sure there isn’t anything I could help you with? Maybe with dinner?” Carol asked her.

Ellie shooked her head no and smiled. “No Carol really it will be just me and Jimmy so I can put something together that’s simple. Jon won’t eat and when he does it’s hardly anything and I can’t force him to eat believe me I’ve tried.” She told her mother-in-law sadly.

“He’s not eating well I’ll have to change that. I know you told me but I at least thought maybe he was having dinner with you two. I could have John come over and have him make Jon’s favorite pasta dinner maybe that will get him to eat?” She was mostly talking to herself now because Ellie was trying not to shoot a comeback at her telling her that he probably wouldn’t or even come downstairs if the whole family showed up.

“I don’t know Carol we don’t want to upset him if…” but before Ellie could finish her sentence Jon walked into the kitchen still looking a little disheveled and not pleased that his mother was here. Not talking he went over to the frig to pull out a couple of beers.

Ellie just looked at him sadly but before she could say anything to him his mother of course did.

“Jonny, drinking that beer isn’t going to help put weight on your bones you need to eat something.” She said in a very stern and motherly tone that went right thru his head like a knife. He just ignored her as he shut the frig door and started to walk out of the kitchen but didn’t get far. “JON FRANCIS! You stop right there young man. I’m speaking to you.” She scolded him as she got up from her chair and went over to him where he stood ridged as a board. Ellie just watched in horror because she knew what was coming next.

“Carol why don’t you let Jon just go do what he needs to do.” She told her as she could see in her husband’s eye that he wasn’t very happy.

“Dear I can handle my son.” Turning back to him, “You need to eat something nutritious because you are losing weight left and right. And if you won’t listen to me I’ll have you listen to your father. But this is going to stop do you understand me!” she told him standing her ground and not caring that he was an adult.

Looking her in the eyes and as calmly as he could have told her, “Mar I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything right now. I just want to be left alone. I have been picked at, poked at, talked at, screamed at, grabbed at, told what to do, how to piss, when to sleep do you get the picture?” he said as he took a chug of his beer.

“That’s why we should talk Honey because you can’t keep doing this to yourself or to your family.” His mother told him concerned.

“Really Mom? Your concerned for me and my family? That’s rich. When the hell did you and Ellie get so chummy huh? Because after Slippery she was still leary of you and then during Jersey she thought she would be the better person and it took mostly all of that tour before you even came around and decide that yeah maybe Ellie isn’t in it for the money or you just wanted to get near your grandson.” He spit out at her.

Ellie just looked at her husband in shock. She knew that she and Carol had put everything to bed for the sake of Jimmy but especially for Jon. She knew this wasn’t going to be good. “Jon stop. You know that everything is good between your mother and me now. She’s just concerned for you as I am. So stop this.” She was practically begging him now.

He just stood there with hardly any emotion, he just wanted to leave and get some peace and quiet.

“It’s ok Ellie I can see that he doesn’t want to talk right now, (looking back at her son then back at Ellie) call me when he does.” Carol said as she walked over to get her pocket book and keys. “Oh and tell Jimmy Nonni loves him.” She walked out as Ellie stood there staring at Jon. He didn’t even bother to look at her he just turned to the door and walked out. Ellie wanted to scream. She was trying to understand that Jon was going thru something, but it would help her a lot more if he expanded on what he was going thru so she could help him.

Later that evening she had gotten Jimmy settled and in bed for the evening so she went into the den with her tea and tried to relax and watch some t.v. An hour had gone by when she heard a noise coming from what she thought was coming from the hall towards the kitchen when a drunk Jon walked in. ‘Just Great’ she thought. She really didn’t need this. He was a pain in the ass lately when he drank. Luckily Jimmy was sleeping so he didn’t have to witness his Father being a Dick. She just hoped he would just sit his ass down and watch the show with her but of course things never work out that way.

Walking over to her and sitting down next to her, he had this dopey look on his face. “Hey Baby whatcha ya watching?” he asked as he slurred and slid his hand over her thigh making her flinch.

“I’m just watching a movie Jon why don’t you go back to bed and sleep it off.” she told him not even looking at him.  

“What’s your problem?” he asked her now getting annoyed with her and sitting upright.

“Really Jon? You want a list? Let’s start with you’re drunk again. Oh then you were an ass to me and your Mother earlier this afternoon. Then you ignored your son for the past few days, no weeks actually. That’s no excuse.  And the only time you want to touch me it seems is when you are drunk.” She told him calmly and coldly.

Jon just looked at her with what looked like a smirk. “Are we really going to go through this shit again? All I am is horny? Can’t you for once just get with the program and stop bitchin’.” he told her as he now was getting again handsy.

“JON! I told you no.” she turned to him pissed now.

“FINE! You Fucking Bitch!” he yelled at her and got up and tripped over the coffee table as he tried to stomp away from her.

Ellie didn’t know to be pissed or laugh in his face. But she was going with pissed, “Are you alright?” she asked tiring to sound a little concern.

Getting up as he was swearing and stumbling, “I’m just fucking fine, why do you care anyway?” he said trying to shake it off.

“Oh my God are you pouting? After what you pulled and just said to me? You are such a piece of work. You have been secluded since you’ve gotten home and wanted nothing to do with us. And the last few times when we have had sex you’ve killed me and you didn’t even care! Plus it took you like forever to get it up because you were feeling good!” she spouted out at him.

Jon was getting angry now that she threw his manhood at him. “Well maybe I couldn’t get it up because you don’t do anything to yourself or the same old thing in bed! You can’t even swallow for Christ’s sake!” Well right there he saw the look on her face and in her eyes and he knew he went over the line on that one.

“Fine well then why don’t you go find one of your fucking groupies then and go fuck one of them. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind swallowing any of your crap you give because you know what I’m done. Your last indiscretion I forgave you because I swallowed all that crap you spewed at me. Well not anymore. I’m going to bed.” Turning off the t.v. she picked up her cup and left him standing there speechless for once.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Ellie had gotten Jimmy off to school but she was still reeling from last night. She didn’t get much sleep as she was reliving the fight over and over again and even dreamed some of it. She wished she knew what was going on with Jon so she could help him. What was worse it was a negative atmosphere for their son to be in. She didn’t want to take him away from Jon but if he didn’t knock it off she was going to have to ask him to leave. Maybe a temporary separation. Boy this would certainly make his fans happy that’s for sure. She had to talk to him. God this wasn’t going to be easy. So she went upstairs to their room and slowly opened the door to see if he was awake. Much to her surprise he wasn’t there. So she went to the bathroom to check there and again no Jon. She didn’t hear him leave, maybe he was in his office or his studio. But first she would check the garage. So in the kitchen she went to the monitor which had cameras where she could check where she needed to. So she clicked on garage and his car wasn’t there. She wondered when the hell he left the house.