Chapter Three

Jon couldn’t sleep so he took a shower to get the drunk off of him and then he walked the floor for a while as he thought about what had happened a few hours ago. He remembered going down stairs and trying to start something with Ellie but a lot of it was fuzzy. He did remember there was a lot of yelling so he must have thought he did something stupid to make her mad, really mad. He was doing that a lot lately. But he just couldn’t help it. He really didn’t think she would understand how he feels. How he has everything he wants and just nothing is making him happy right now. He is exhausted and his voice is shot. More than he is willing to admit and when he coughs he has been spitting up blood. The guys have been yelling at him now for over a year to see a specialist and not just the bands doctor. The one Doc had hired. The one that was giving him the steroid shots. Ellie was asking a lot of questions when he came home that he wasn’t willing to answer and that pissed her off. But he couldn’t tell her what was going on. He couldn’t let her know why he was losing weight and being stand offish. He just couldn’t tell her that he was vulnerable to let Doc talk him into doing what he did to himself…for what? Fame, money? They were doing just fine but Doc guilted him into what was his responsibility. He had a family to take care of now and the band and their families not to mention the people that work behind the scenes. Without him they would lose their jobs. It all rested with him. HIM! He had to get out of the house, go for a ride or something. So he quietly went downstairs and jumped in his viper and just took off, where he didn’t know but he just let the road show him.

About an hour and a half later he had enough and started back towards Jersey. He seemed calmer but still didn’t want to talk about what went on during or what was going on with him now. If she knew he was coughing up blood she would go nuts and so would his mother. Plus he couldn’t explain constantly that he wasn’t hungry. He just had no appetite lately, he just couldn’t explain it. He finally drove up to the gates and punched in the code to the gate and drove in and up the driveway. He had been gone all morning and it was now past eleven in the morning. When he got there he saw that there was a plumbing van parked out front. He drove around to the garage and parked his viper back in the garage and closed the doors then walked in thru to the kitchen when he saw Ellie talking to this very good looking man around their age or a little older. He had wavy black hair that came to about shoulder length but he had it in a pony. And he also had the bluest eyes. Tall about six feet two and about one hundred and eight pounds.    

Turning around and seeing her husband finally walking in she tried not to show her irritation at him. He looked them of both up and down and said irritably, “What the hell is going on here?”

“What? I told you that the we needed the plumbing done in the kitchen and the adjoining bathroom. There’s a leak somewhere so I hired Matthew’s Plumbing and Heating. This is Kyle Matthew. Kyle this is my husband Jon.” She made introductions and Kyle went to shake Jon’s hand as Jon just stared at it as Ellie gave him her death stare. So Jon finally took it and shook his hand. Ellie couldn’t understand what was going through his head.

“Ellie why don’t I go check out the bathroom ok?” Kyle told her as he knew something was up with the couple.

“Thank You Kyle I’ll be right there.” She told him smiling thru gritted teeth. Waiting for him to leave the room she then turned to her husband who was leaning up against the counter with his arms and legs crossed. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Pointing to himself? “Me? Nothing why?” he said cockily.

“Really well you were just acting like a Jackass.” she told him as she was very mobile as she was throwing her hands in the air. “And where the hell were you? You usually don’t get up till late afternoon.” She threw at him.

“So how did you know that I was even gone? Checking up on me now?” he asked pissed.

“No I needed to talk to you and I couldn’t wait till you got up because I didn’t want Jimmy to walk in on us.” She told him just as upset.

“Why? What do you want to talk to me about? Because if it’s the same old same old I told you it’s bands business and it’s none of your business.” He told her bluntly.

“No that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about and you made that very clear Jon. Even thou I thought we were partners in everything we do boy I guess I was wrong. But right now I can’t talk because I have this to deal with. You see I’m used to dealing with things alone and not have you involved so if you’ll excuse me.” She told him and went to see if Kyle needed anything.

Jon just stood there seething. If this were the things she was dealing with while he was on tour and what the guys looked like he would have left one of his own men there to have taken care of things while he was gone. Right? Oh who was he kidding. He was the one that did the cheating not her.  Something that he wasn’t proud of. And something he knew that drinking too much wasn’t good for lonely nights. Well he wasn’t going to stand around here he was going back to his room so he grabbed a few beers and went back upstairs and he hoped he could get a few hours of sleep.

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Kyle took a quick look around and gave an estimate to Ellie and told her that he may need an electrician also just in case he had to get inside the walls for the pipes. Ellie told him to get who he needed to get the job done. She thanked Kyle and he left. She looked at her watch and saw that she still had plenty of time to talk to Jon. So she headed up the stairs to their bedroom. Opening the door it was dark and to be honest smelly. She wasn’t surprised as he didn’t let anyone in there to clean up after him. She saw a lump in the bed and knew he must have fallen asleep. She really didn’t want to wake him but she knew she had to get this talk over with. So she went over to the bed and sat down beside him, seeing he was in the middle of the bed sprawled out buck naked as usual. She pulled up the blanket only because she really didn’t need the distraction of his body but she did notice that she could see his ribs clearly. That she wasn’t too happy about.  So she pulled the blanket just above his ass and then went to his face and ran her hand threw his hair when she saw something odd on the pillow near his mouth. So she turned on the lamp next to him and when she looked again she gasped when she saw a silver dollar size wet spot of blood. There was still some on and in his mouth when she carefully turned his head. Putting his head back carefully down of the pillow and turning off the light she headed back to the door and started to knock really loudly and yelling his name. “JON! JON! Wake Up! Wake the Hell Up!” she yelled as she was still knocking on the door.

He started to move and groan and finally expletives were coming from his mouth. “What the Fuck! I’m trying to sleep!” he was yelling back at her.

“Don’t care I need to talk to you. NOW! Put some clothes and I’ll meet you in the living room.” She told him as she walked out of the bedroom.

He tried to tell her no but she was already gone. He just tried to put his head back down on the pillow but he felt something wet and saw the blood on it. ‘Damn’ he said to himself. He got dressed and finally found her sitting in her favorite chair facing the t.v. drinking her tea. “Ok I’m here what?” he asked her annoyed.

“You might want to sit for this.” She told him as she turned off the television.”

“Fine but can we get this over with I didn’t sleep well last night.” he told her yawning.

“I want to get this over with before our son gets home you dumbass, so yes. I can’t keep living like this Jon. I don’t know what the hell I did for you to be this way with me and Jimmy. But you have been nothing but a jerk to us since you have come home. And to be honest we don’t deserve to be treated this way. You’ve been home now for almost what three weeks now? Funny it seems longer than that. I know you’re going through a lot right now and I think that there’s something more serious going on that you’re not telling me. I saw the blood on the bed and in the bathroom Jon. So I know you’re keeping something big from me. You remember when I didn’t tell you about me being in the hospital two years ago for something minor? You flipped out. But I didn’t want to bother you while you were on tour. It wasn’t like you could get away anyway. But you still flipped on me and my folks. So what is this payback?” she asked him calmly as she didn’t bother to turn and look at him while she was sipping her tea.

Jon just sat there at first not knowing what to say to her. He knew he was being a jerk but he felt all these emotions coming at him he just didn’t know how to handle them. For the first time he felt lost.

“So you’re not going to say anything just sit there like a lump? You know I’ve called just about all the guys except for Doc and well he’d be useless to me, and of course they aren’t talking. I really thought there for a minute Richie would but then he told me to try again to talk to you. I tried to explain to him that you were being a dick but he said it just wouldn’t be his place. But if you physically hurt me or Jimmy he’d jump on a plane and then he would have a heart to heart talk with you no problem.” She explained to him with a death stare that could have killed him right there.

“You know I would never hurt you or Jimmy right?” he told her looking sadly at her.

“That’s what I told him.” She said finishing off her tea.

His heart was breaking now that he was putting her thru all this. So he got up and went over to her and knelt down in front of her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the crap that I have put you and Jimmy thru the past few weeks. I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you the second I got home. But I’ve been used to doing all this by myself Baby and things finally came to a head at the end of this tour. Doc was just driving me and telling me to suck things up and all the responsibility that was lying in my hands and the guys didn’t get it and I was supposed to be one of them and not the boss and…” as he rambled Ellie stopped him.

“Jon stop. Why didn’t you tell me all this? That’s what I’m here for.” She told him stoking his face.

Looking sadly up at her, “Because this is my band. It’s my responsibility and I had to be the grown up. I was responsible for my guys and crew and my family. I had to show everyone that I could do this. But honestly I really couldn’t. Don’t get mad ok but my voice started to go.” He told her as he lowered his head.

She looked at him shocked. “What? What do you mean your voice was going Jon?” She asked concerned.

Looking back up, “It started to get rough and then I would lose it at times. And there was no way I could sing the high notes so Dave had to fill in for me doing those plus his voice sounds like mine so he would over dub me and no one ever knew. And the guys filled in for me as I ran around the stage a lot as they filled in for me singing too so. You know little tricks here and there.” He told her not very proud of himself.

“What about the times when the guys called me when you passed out on stage and said you were just tired or exhausted and there was nothing to worry about and you scammed me thru it. There was something to worry about wasn’t there?” she asked angry.

“Yeah Doc was pushing us too much adding on extra dates and my body couldn’t take it apparently but he would keep telling me that the tour would come to an end and everyone would end up on the unemployment line because of me.” He told her sadly.

“That Son-of-a-Bitch!!! Wait you still haven’t told me why you were passing out what were you taking?’ she asked him.

Well there wasn’t any good way to say it so he just told her. “Steroids. They were shooting me with steroids in my throat.”  He told her as she just sat there with a blank stare. “Ellie? Baby? Are you ok? I mean are you with me?” he asked her concern.

Shaking her head yes she was finally able to whisper out, “They shot you up with steroids in your throat? Oh Jonny how could you let them do that to you? How long have you been coughing up blood Sweetheart? Ok I’ve, I’ve got to wrap my head around all of this. So this is why you have been a jerk? So why are the guys upset and not here telling me all this Jon?” she wanted to know.

“Well that’s another story in its self Babe. I kind of piss the guys off the same way I pissed you and say Mom. My attitude for one, we all kind of got sick of one another to maybe even to fist fights almost. They wanted me to see doctors I might have told them to fuck off. Of course they don’t know everything that Doc put me thru either but they aren’t the boss and I needed them to be just relaxed and be my guys you know. Plus I didn’t want them worrying about me but they did in the end and now are pissed at me for that.” He explained to her.

Ellie started to giggle. “What the hell is so funny?” he asked her a little annoyed.

“You really don’t get it do you? They love you, you big dope! They’ve been with you for a long time and like your song Blood on Blood that is how the five of you are. Not to mention me and Jimmy dummy. We love you more than anything. I let you back into my life because I had faith in you. Because I loved you. And I stayed with you because I love you and believe me it hasn’t been easy buster. We have been thru a lot and I’m still here.” She told him caressing his cheek.

“Well I thought I was about to lose you.” He said as tears were forming.

“No I was going to go to California and beat it out of Richie on what happened during the damn tour. I mean I could have done it to you but I was afraid you’d like it.” She said smiling.

“Oh you’re funny.” he said as he pulled her down onto his lap.

“Ahhh! Jon what are you doing!!” she yelped.

“Holding you. I know it’s been a while but I think I still know how to do it.” He said sheepishly.

“Yeah I think you do.” She said as she leaned into him and kissed him softly.

Breaking Jon looked at her and asked, “So where do we go from here?”

“Well we take this day by day ok? We’re still not there yet. A lot of feelings were hurt Jon. Your parents for one, Jimmy for another but I think because he loves you unconditionally I don’t think you’ll have much of a problem there. And as for your folks your Mom loves you too so I think your good.” She told him caressing his cheek.

“Do I have to tell them everything?” he asked her laying his head on her shoulder.

“You mean about the steroids? I think they’ll catch on Jon when you’re going to the doctor about them and why your bleeding from your mouth don’t you? I mean summer break is coming up and someone will need to watch Jimmy while I take you there.” She explained to him.

He tried not to get angry with her because he knew she was just trying to help and she meant well but, it was his life he thought. “Babe I’m not going to the doctor I know what’s going on with me and my throat just needs to heal that’s all. Probably in a month or so I’ll be fine and the bleeding will stop.” He told her in a stern voice but not loud.

Ellie just looked at him then she tried to push him away so she could get up. But Jon wouldn’t let her. But he did find it rather hard than usual because he could feel his strength zapped.

“Jon let go of me I want to get up.” She told him annoyed now.

“No you’re the one that wanted to talk about this so let’s talk.” He said still trying to hold on to her.

“Fine but can we at least get up and sit in a chair I’m starting to cramp up.” She said really annoyed now as she finally got up and stretched.

Standing himself, they walked over to the couch and sat. “Ok talk.” She told him.

“Your mad I get that but I just don’t want a lot of people to know about the steroids and I don’t think I need to see a doctor right away. If the bleeding doesn’t stop I’ll see someone ok?” he pleaded to her as he really didn’t see a need for it.

Running her hands over her face she then looked back at him and told him point blank. “No, no way. This is your whole life. I know you and if you can’t sing well I don’t want to be around for it if we didn’t head it right off. Jon Baby believe me you’ll thank me later if we get this done now instead of later. If you want to hate me now then fine hate me but you’re going to see a doctor or I will tell your folks everything otherwise I’ll keep my mouth shut until you want to tell whoever.” She told him as she stood her ground.

Jon looked at her, feeling anger that she wouldn’t go along with him. Feeling betrayed. “FINE!” was all he said and got up and went back upstairs to the bedroom and slammed the door. Ellie just sat there with tears in her eyes but she knew what she had to do. So tomorrow she would start to look for doctors for her husband.

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A few days went by and Carol decided she would try again to see what her stubborn son was up to and if he had gotten out of that bedroom of his. When she got there she was disappointed to find out that he hadn’t come out.

“Oh John why don’t you go up there and talk to him, maybe you can talk some sense into him.” Carol asked her husband or more of a demand.

John Sr. just looked at her then over to his daughter-in-law. “Carol dear I don’t think anything I say will matter. I’ve talked to Ellie and she told us he has made up his mind and just needs this time to chill and needs to rest after that long tour.” He tried to explain to his stubborn wife.

“Well I don’t care it’s not good for him to hole himself up there like that. I get that the tour was exhausting but he needs to come out and breathe fresh air.” She exclaimed.

Ellie had explained to them about the tour being long and how Doc took advantage of them and adding extra dates to ride out the Bon Jovi star as long as he could. They weren’t too thrilled with it as Ellie wasn’t either but that seem to satisfy them for his attitude for right now. She knew if she told them about the steroids they would blow a gasket. So she came up with a little ruse so they wouldn’t really know why he would be going to the doctors.

“Well he will he’s actually cleaning up the bedroom.” Ellie told them.

“Really? Well why didn’t you say that when we came in. Now I know I need to go up there and help it’s probably smells stale and God only knows what. Ellie where is…” But Ellie cut her off as she lifted her hand.

“Oh no I wouldn’t do that. He could be doing God knows what up there and if you walk in on him he’ll just scream at you and well to be honest really honest I can’t deal with that right now, especially with Jimmy home. He gets upset when Daddy yells.” She explained to them and hoped that would shut her up.

“Ellie Dear I can handle my son.” She started to tell her but John interrupted her again.

“Carol my love I’m going to be very blunt. Ellie is being very nice and is trying very hard to tell you to mind your own business and leave him the hell alone, and to stay out of their bedroom to boot.” John told her as he winked at his daughter-in-law.

Carol just sat there taking in what her husband just told her. “Well fine I just thought that I could be of some help that’s all.” She said and tried to look hurt.

But neither of them were buying it. “Dear we understand that you just want to help but we aren’t buying the hurt look either. Let Ellie handle Jon she is his wife just like how you told my mother off all those years ago when you told her to cut the apron strings if I remember correctly.” John reminder his wife smiling.

Well Ellie just stood there with her mouth open and tried very hard not to laugh. “Thank You John for bringing that up. Ellie I think we should go home and let you handle Jon. Just let us know how everything goes at the doctors.” Carol told her as she had gotten up and retrieved her pocketbook. 

“Now Carol he isn’t going for a few days yet but I will let you know how everything goes. And you know he loves you very much. He just needs to get out of this funk. Once he does hopefully he’ll be back to his old self. Now that he’s in charge of everything well it’s just overwhelming him that’s all and plus I think Doc left a mess for him to clean up.” She explained to them and not happily either.

“Well I’m just glad the Son-of-a-bitch is out of their lives. Have any of the other guys called or has he tried calling them?” John wanted to know.

“No and if I try asking he just tells me to leave it alone or it’s none of my business because it’s band business.” She told them with the look of disappointment on her face and also hurt.

“I’m sorry Sweetheart. He shouldn’t have treated you like that.” John told her as he disliked McGhee for what he did to the boys.

“Doc always said I shouldn’t have known what they made money wise because we didn’t sign a pre-nup, so this way I can’t ask for everything. But I think he forgot a little thing called Lawyers. But we made a promise to each other that we wouldn’t hurt each other like that but you never know I guess. Doc was always throwing it in my face because I got knocked up so either way Jon was screwed he said. The only thing is I never went after him when I did see him on MTV but the universe had other ideas I guess.” She told them about never taking Jon for everything he has.

“I am sorry for thinking that you would take him for everything that he was worth. I should have known better Ellie. Tell Jon we love him and we’ll see him later.” Carol told her smiling and finally meaning it. That made Ellie smile and for once finally feeling like part of his family.